At The Edge
by ScopesMonkey
Summary: A small gesture may cost Simon more than what he can pay.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Firefly and I am not making money from this.

**Author's Note: ** This is set shortly after the movie and assumes that Inara has come back, at least for awhile.

**Dedication:** To ladykreanna: this is all your fault.

* * *

Truths and roses have thorns about them. Henry David Thoreau

There is no gathering the rose without being pricked by the thorns. Bidpai

1

It was just this side of nowhere, Simon decided. A small planet just outside the border planets zone, still far enough out of the way to feel that false sense of security. He tried to shake it off, but it was becoming harder, which made him all the more aware that he needed to stay alert.

Here, on the surface, they were in the middle of nowhere, on the far side of the Attune from the most populated areas, in the middle of the plains, where few colonists had bothered to venture. And why not, after all? The other side of the planet was lusher, greener, with a more amiable climate that allowed for growing a larger variety of food plants for longer. From the images Simon had seen, it was prettier, too, with towering mountain ranges incised with clear, fast-flowing rivers that poured down from the bases of blue-white glaciers. The beaches along the coast had fine white sand and, in many places, their transluscent turquoise waters were warm enough to swim in year round.

Out here, where the wind blew constantly, rippling across the tall prairie grasses, where summer was baking and winter so cold it could burn your lungs, were people who wanted the challenge of survival, to make their own way, or to escape. Escape civilization, escape expectations, escape the law. Perhaps all three.

They were out here to escape the law, of course, although Simon suspected Attune's local government probably turned a blind eye to smuggling in the wilderness. They were far enough from the central planets that they probably relied on smuggled goods themselves, even in the more densely populated areas.

He wished he could have seen those areas. Inara was over there right now, taking a few days for work, but Simon wondered if she was visiting the Companion's temple, too. The thought of that intrigued him somehow – the fact that there was a temple all the way out here, with its own small hospital. A touch of civilization so far from the reach of the central planets. He would have given a lot to visit that hospital, to be inside a medical center again, but not covertly, not trying to steal the use of the equipment to help his sister.

River, who was now well enough to travel, did. She had gone with Malcolm, Zoe, and Jayne to the rendezvous point. Simon still worried, but she insisted, and Malcolm pointed out she had natural piloting abilities. Of course, she had natural everything abilities, but she enjoyed being in control of a ship, a vehicle, anything that would respond to her commands by taking her somewhere. It was a good opportunity to practice, Zoe had pointed out, and River had overruled any of his objections by just stating that she was going.

It was just him and Kaylee on the ship, a prospect that would have appealed had the mechanic not had so much work to do. Left to his own devices, Simon had done what work needed to be finished in the infirmary, then wandered down the open cargo hatch, gazing out over the endless prairie. The sky was so clear, so vivid and so close he felt as if he could touch it, and at the same time, be swallowed in its immensity. The breeze was cool, fresh, and persistent, chasing over the grasses that bent below it, hissing in and out between the blades. Here and there, there were patches of more barren ground, with scraggly grass that hugged the soil.

A flash of colour caught his eye and he stepped off the plank onto the ground, the soil giving way slightly to accommodate his weight. Everytime he steppped down planet-side, he noticed that, the shift from metal flooring to living, breathing soil. He never would have noticed that back home, where he could walk on the grass whenever he wanted to, and never had. Now, it was precious.

The colour that had caught him was a dusty dark pink, a rose bush growing impropably in on the more barren patches of ground. Simon looked around and caught sight of a few more bushes scattered here and there, always where the grass was short and patchy. The flowers were almost in full bloom, adding a raindrop of colour to a landscape that was shades of brown and gold.

He grinned and hurried back inside, finding a pair of scissors in the mess, then hurrying back out again. He cut an easy path through the higher grass to the rose bush, then crouched down, examining it carefully for a moment. A honeybee buzzed on one of the blossoms, undisturbed by Simon's abrupt appearance.

The doctor began to cut some of the flowers off, his movements as careful and delicate as they were during surgery. He caught himself several times on the thorns, wincing each time. Despite his care, it was impossible not to get scratched, and he paused at one point to push up his sleeves to prevent the thorns from snagging his clothing. In this dry environment, it was no surprise the bush had such strong natural defenses. It would discourage any browsing animal from eating it.

When he'd collected enough, Simon picked up his bouquet carefully and headed back into the ship. He returned the scissors to their drawer and headed to the engine room to find Kaylee shoulder deep in engine parts, her arms and face smeared with grease, and her dark golden hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, wisps of it falling across her cheeks.

She heard his footsteps and looked up, flashing him one of her honest, brilliant smiles. Then she noticed the flowers in his arms.

"Ooh, roses!" Kaylee cried, her face lighting up even more. She wiped her hands on her pants and leaned forward to smell them. "Delicious!"

"Careful, they're thorny," Simon said, smiling back at her. She straightened up and kissed him.

"I don't wanna touch them, all greasy like this," she said, holding up her hands for him to see. Simon chuckled, shaking his head.

"Why don't I put them in water for you?" he asked. "I can put them in your bunk, too."

"Only if I find you down there with them," she replied, grinning again and winking at him.

Simon leaned down to kiss her again.

"You have a deal," he replied.

"I won't be long," Kaylee said. "Give me fifteen minutes."

"Take your time," he replied. "I can wait."

"Bet you can't!" she laughed back, pulling him into another kiss. "But we'll see."

Simon shook his head, smiling, and left her to her work, heading back to the kitchen. He rummaged for something to put the flowers in and came up with a tall glass, which was the closest they had to a vase. He peeled back some of the leaves carefully, trying to avoid the thorns, then arranged the flowers and added some water. After cleaning away the refuse, he washed his hands, then paused, looking around for a towel.

He glanced down at his hands, feeling a stiffness creep into his fingers. Simon flexed his fingers carefully and turned hands over, looking at his palms. They were oddly pale, and his eyes widened when he realized that his extremities were going numb. Leaving the roses where they were, he hurried from the mess down to the infirmary. He tried to grasp the hand of a supply drawer to pull it open, but his fingers wouldn't obey his commands. He felt the numbness flash up his arms and up through his feet into his legs. The room blurred and he tried to force it back into focus. He felt cold, as if he had stepped out into wintery air without any clothing, the feeling coming from deep inside and spreading outward. Simon tried to reach out, to grasp the side of the medical bed, to get his footing, anything, but he could not. He felt himself falling, the room fading into blackness, and heard the clatter as his head connected with a small table holding some of his instruments. They fell around him like hard rain, but he could not move to protect himself.

* * *

Kaylee looked up when she heard the clattering of something falling in the distance. She brushed an errant hair from her face, unknowingly leaving a streak of grease across her skin, and frowned.

"Simon?" she called. When there was no answer, she put down her tools and started walking toward the mess. "Simon?"

The eerie silence that greeted her in return made her move fast. Kaylee hurried into the mess. It was empty, her roses sitting nicely in a glass full of water.

"Simon!" she cried, turning around and hurrying out again. The infirmary wasn't far, and she couldn't imagine where else he'd have gone. She clattered down the stairs and skidded inside, then let out a startled cry when she saw him on the floor, blank eyes staring up at the ceiling, medical instruments strewn all around him.

"Oh my god, Simon!" she cried, stepping over his equipment and crouching down, touching his cheeks, his throat, feeling the jump-jump of a pulse beneath his skin.

"Oh my god," she breathed again, tears streaking her cheeks. Simon was still breathing, but when Kaylee put her ear to his lips, she heard his breath coming in shallow spurts. Without thinking, she kicked his instruments aside and crouched behind him, trying to haul him up. The dead weight was too much, he wasn't moving, wasn't helping her, maybe couldn't. Kaylee grunted, letting Simon sag to the floor again. She grabbed the pillow of the med bed and tucked it under his head.

"Don't you move," she said, her voice catching through her tears. "I'm gonna go raise the cap'n and get him back here. We'll get you help."

For a moment, she realized she was waiting for him to nod or agree, but even his eyes didn't flicker toward her. Swallowing a sob, Kaylee sprinted from the infirmary, heading toward the cockpit.


	2. Chapter 2

Like roses, that in deserts bloom and die. Alexander Pope

2

The transfer had gone smoothly and Malcolm's contact had taken the money they'd agreed upon and left with his two hands who had helped him transport the cargo out here. Sometimes, things went as planned, and Malcolm knew that smuggling on Attune was easier than most places, since it was just outside the border zone and most of the businessmen here wanted things to move quickly, quietly, and effortlessly. That way, they stayed nicely under the Alliance radar and the Alliance could easily ignore them.

They were packing the last of the cargo into the hover when River froze, her face and eyes going blank. With an unerring accuracy, she turned slowly to face the direction of the ship, eyes wide, lips slightly parted.

"River?" Zoe asked, putting down her end of the crate that she'd been lifting with Jayne. Jayne grunted, balancing his end on his knees.

"River?" Malcolm asked. She blinked, turning her dark gaze toward the captain.

"Simon," she whispered, her voice suddenly harsh and raw. Alarm lit his eyes.

"What happened?" he demanded.

She was cut off by the sound of the com in the hover.

"Cap'n!" Kaylee's frantic voice screamed across the distance. "Cap'n, can you hear me? Pick up!"

Malcolm swore in eloquent Mandrin, hauling himself into the vehicle and grabbing the mouthpiece.

"Kaylee, I'm here. What happened?"

"Something happened to Simon!" the mechanic sobbed over the com. "He ain't movin'! He just collapsed –"

Malcolm looked back at River, who was still frozen with fear, her heart thudding so hard against her ribcage that it hurt.

"Paralyzed," she whispered.

"We're on our way back, Kaylee!" Malcolm snapped into the com. "Get back to Simon and stay with him till we get there, you understand?"

"I don't know what to do!" Kaylee cried.

"Just stay with him! We're comin' back!"

Zoe and Jayne were already loading the last crate in, then Zoe was clambering into the pilot's seat that River had so recently occupied. With surprising gentleness and ease, Jayne lifted River and passed her to Malcolm, who settled her into a seat.

"Strap in," the captain told her, and with a shake of her head, River regained her control and obeyed. Jayne was barely inside the vehicle and gave a grunt, trying to keep his balance when Zoe threw it in gear and sped back toward _Serenity_.

* * *

"I'm in here!" Kaylee cried when she heard the shouted enquiries from the returning crew. "In here!"

There was the sound of feet running toward her and she sobbed when she saw the others pour into the tiny infirmary. Simon was still laying where he'd fallen, and Kaylee was crouched beside him, holding one of his limp hands in hers. Immediately, Zoe moved toward her, pulling her up and away gently.

Without speaking, Malcolm and Jayne lifted Simon onto the bed and River was pushed around them, her hands darting over instruments, barely hesitating as she tried to decide what to use.

"What happened?" Malcolm demanded.

"I dunno!" Kaylee sobbed, stepping away from the bed, her hands flying up to cover her mouth as she watched Simon's expressionless face and blank, staring eyes. "I heard a clatter and came lookin' and found him– Oh my god…"

Zoe put an arm around her shoulders, holding her gently.

"It's all right," she said.

"It's not all right," River disagreed. "He's paralyzed. He can't move. But he can hear us."

"And you can hear him," Malcolm said.

The young woman nodded quickly, then froze, spinning back to the bed. Her eyes widened and she drew a sharp gasp, but nodded again.

"Get back now," she ordered, so fiercely that Jayne and Malcolm stepped back toward the door without thinking. River's grabbed the crash cart from the back of the room and shoved it up next to the bed. "Intubate, intubate," she whispered. Kaylee tried to curl in on herself, giving a sob, and Zoe tightened her embrace.

"Do you know how to do that?" Jayne asked as the girl prised open her brother's mouth and began feeding a tube down his throat.

"No," said River. "He's telling me." Suddenly her face crumpled and she began to cry, sucking her breaths in deeply. "I'm sorry, Simon, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"What is it?" Malcolm demanded.

River let out a rasping sob.

"It hurts so much," she managed. "He should be unconscious or anesthetized. Oh god, Simon, I'm so sorry." Throughout her tears, she kept working, her hands moving steadily despite the tears streaking her face and the jaggedness of her breathing. She secured the oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, and spun to turn on the machine. Only then, when the equipment was breathing for her brother, did her hands start to shake. It was eerie to think of Simon in that kind of pain when his face was so slack, so empty.

"He can't breathe," River said. "He can't move. Captain, we have to get him to a hospital, or he'll die."

Kaylee sobbed again, shaking her head. River glanced at Simon, then back at Malcolm.

"There's a Companion temple with a hospital in the capital here," she said. "We need to take him there."

"We can't just go marching into a Companion hospital–" Jayne started, but Malcolm cut him off with a quick motion of his hand.

"We can because Inara's there, and we will because we gotta get him help. River's no doctor and he can't coach her through this. Kaylee, what the hell happened?"

The mechanic shook her head, her cheeks streaked with tears and tear tracks, her eyes wide and red-rimmed.

"I dunno," she sobbed. "I was workin' on the engines and he came in with roses for me."

"Roses?" Malcolm demanded. "From where?"

"Outside," River answered. "He thinks it was them. The thorns. A natural defense for a planet can be to produce a toxin."

Malcolm gave a curt nod.

"Zoe, get up to the bridge and get us to this hospital. Call Inara and let her know we're coming – I don't care who you interrupt to get to her. Jayne, you and me are gonna unload the hover and get everything the hell out of the way so we can get the doc the hell off this ship the second we land. River, you stay here with Kaylee. Kaylee, are the engines good to go?"

"For atmo transit, yeah," the shaking young woman replied.

"Good. Let's move."


	3. Chapter 3

The full-blown rose, mid dewy sweets

Most perfect dies.

Maria Brooks

3

Inara was waiting for them, as were several emergency medics who swarmed onto the ship the moment the hatch was open, following Zoe's lead. Inara hung back, out of the way, and Malcolm hurried down to her. She was dressed in a flowing burgundy dress with gold highlights, her hair piled elaborately on her head, and her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

"What happened?" she asked.

"He was picking wild roses, for Kaylee. River thinks the thorns were toxic."

Inara looked past him, her eyes wide, as the medics rushed back out with Simon on a hover stretcher. He was still intubated, and they had hooked him up to some other machines Malcolm didn't recognize. Beneath all of that, it was hard to tell it was Simon, with his blank eyes staring up at the sky.

"Oh my god," Inara whispered, covering her lips with her fingers. She glanced away again as the others came out of the ship. Kaylee was still crying, her face streaked and blotchy, and River looked terrified, as if she were beyond tears. Zoe and Jayne looked grim, but Malcolm was willing to bet that Jayne was adding this to his list of strikes against the doctor. The captain's face hardened – he didn't need any more of that garbage.

The medics loaded Simon into an ambulance and sped off. With _Serenity_'s size, they had been forced to land outside of the city and have an ambulance meet them. Inara had arranged for ground transport, which was waiting a short distance away, leaving room for the ambulance. She and Malcolm helped everyone inside, and she instructed her driver to take them to the hospital. Malcolm registered little of the city as they flew threw it, seeing only flashes of colour and the blurs of green in the background that were tree-covered mountains.

The hospital was attached to the temple but with separate entrances, and, although small, was obviously well appointed. The ambulance that had brought Simon still sat in the emergency bay, its doors open, looking abandoned. As they got out of their vehicle, Malcolm saw a medic climb in and move the ambulance away at a sedate pace.

"Let's get inside," he said. Inara wrapped an arm around Kaylee's waist and helped her into the small hospital. They were greeted by a nurse who evidently knew what was going on, because she informed them that Simon was being treated and directed them to a waiting room. Malcolm led the way and the others followed with a leaden silence. Kaylee took a chair as soon as they entered, as if her legs wouldn't support her, and Inara sank down beside her, gasting a glance at Malcolm. He shook his head.

_I don't know anything else_, he thought, and she seemed to grasp his meaning. She turned her attention to Kaylee, stroking the younger woman's hair and murmuring softly to her.

The room was small, lined on all four walls with padded chairs, and it was empty. For that, Malcolm was grateful. He didn't think any of them could deal with strangers right now. There was a screen mounted on the wall, but it was shut off, dark and silent. On small table nestled between two chairs near the door had a few old books piled on it.

Malcolm sat down beside River, who was perched on the edge of her chair, staring straight ahead, unseeing, her eyes eerily reflecting the blankness he had just seen in her own brother's. A shudder ran through him, but he forced it down.

"How is he?" he whispered.

River swallowed, and didn't move her gaze.

"They anesthetized him," she whispered back. "He can't speak to me anymore."

"Maybe that's best," Malcolm said.

She turned her face toward him then, and the terror that welled deep in her eyes gripped him as well.

"They think he might die," she said so softly that only Malcolm heard her.

* * *

It was over two hours later that a doctor finally came to see them. Malcolm had begun to relax a bit when he saw River doing the same, the rod-straightness of her spine melting somewhat. He didn't ask, but hoped that it meant that Simon had stepped back from death's door and was stabilized. He had sent Jayne to get some food for them before the other man could grow impatient and start complaining about all of the doctor's supposed faults, including being poisoned. Malcolm was frustrated about that, too, but he knew it was pointless; it wasn't Simon's fault that he didn't know the thorns were toxic. None of them did. But Jayne wouldn't see it that way, because Jayne would never pick roses.

Jayne had been back a few minutes when the doctor strode in. She was short, blond, and businesslike. She glanced across all of them, her eyes resting on Inara – presumably she could pick out the Companion among them.

"Which one of you is his sister?" she asked.

"I am," River replied. "But you can speak to all of us."

The doctor nodded and sat down, crossing her legs at the knee, tapping a pen against a pad of paper attached to a clipboard.

"My name is Doctor Jansen," she said. Her voice was calm and cool, as were her blue eyes. "I'm the one who treated Simon. I'm happy to tell you that he's stabilized now."

The wave of relief in the room was palpable. Kaylee slumped in her chair and River ducked her head momentarily before raising it again. Inara passed a hand over her eyes and Zoe closed her eyes briefly.

"Good," said Jayne. "When can we get him out?"

Jansen turned her gaze to Jayne and shook her head.

"I'm afraid it's not that simple," she said. "We have him stabilized, but his condition is still critical. Right now, he's comatose and probably will be for a day or two, until we get the toxin flushed completely out of his system." She paused, her eyes scanning them all again. "The thorns on prairie rose produce a neurotoxin that is fatal if left untreated for more than a few hours. Simon is extremely lucky that you found him as soon as you did and you brought him here. But this isn't something that is fixed within a few hours, or even a few days. First, we have to flush the toxin out of his entire system, because it enters via the bloodstream when a victim is pricked by the thorns. I know it doesn't seem like much, to prick your finger on a rose thorn, but it doesn't take much. This plant is like a snake. Flushing his entire system will take about a day."

"Then what?" Inara asked. Malcolm cast a glance at River, who had balled her hands into fists and clenched her jaw. Did she know what Jansen was going to say?

"The toxin attacks the nervous system and the musculature, concentrating on the nerves and muscles linked to fine-motor control." She paused, taking a deep breath. "We can't tell yet, and we won't know until Simon wakes up, but he may lose the physical capacity to move his hands or to speak."

Kaylee let out a sob and Inara gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Not his hands, please," River whispered. Jansen looked at her.

"I know he's a doctor," she said. "I don't want you to give up hope, because we have no way of telling how extensive the damage is until he regains consciousness, and we were able to treat him early and quickly."

"You said how extensive the damage is, not that there might be some," Malcolm interjected.

Jansen met his gaze and nodded.

"There's always something," she said. "Even if we get to the patient immediately. I want you to understand something else. If Simon loses the ability to speak, he won't be losing the mental ability. Rose toxin only ever causes brain damage if we don't get to the victim within two hours, which is not the case here. It usually occurs when we have to revive the patient. Mentally, he will be fine, but physically, there will be some effects."

Kaylee buried her face in her hands and wept. Inara held her, rocking her gently.

"Can we see him?" River asked.

Jansen nodded.

"He's in ICU, so only two at a time, and only for a few minutes. He needs rest, and he needs quiet."

"Kaylee?" Malcolm asked, but the young woman didn't answer. Inara nodded at him.

"You go," she said softly.

Malcolm nodded and rose to join River. They followed Jansen into the tiny ICU ward where it looked as though Simon was the only patient. There were five beds, four of them empty and visible, their privacy curtains drawn back against the walls. Jansen held open the curtain separating Simon from the rest of the ward, letting Malcolm and River slip in. Malcolm saw her moving away to speak to the nurse as the curtain fell shut again.

He forced himself to turn around and look at his doctor. Simon was lying supine, wrapped in white hospital pyjamas, covered by a light, white hospital sheet, and hooked up to more machines than Malcolm had ever seen anyone hooked up to. His eyes were mercifully closed now.

River was already sitting beside the bed, holding one of her brother's hands, and whispering to him. Malcolm approached the other side of the bed and looked down. There was no fooling himself into thinking Simon was sleeping; people didn't sleep with tubes down their throats, masks on their faces and monitors tracking their heartbeats.

"They need to keep him on a respirator until the toxin is out of his system because it paralyzes the lungs. That's how most people die from rose toxin."

Malcolm managed a nod.

"No slackin' off for long, Doc," he said. "We're gonna need you back."

"They always say that maybe coma patients can hear you if you talk to them," River commented without looking up.

"Do you think he can hear us?" Malcolm asked her.

She raises her eyes to meet his.

"Not right now."

* * *

Malcolm left River alone with Simon after a few minutes and stepped back out into the main ICU ward, where Jansen was waiting for him. He glanced at the name tag pinned to her coat just above her heart. Her first name was Elaine. He noticed the nurse who was behind the desk was now gone.

"The medics said Simon was intubated when they got to him," Jansen said. Malcolm nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Who did that?"

"His sister," he replied curtly.

"How?"

"She's a damn smart kid. Probably saw him do it once, or he described it to her."

Jansen raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.

"This is a Companion hospital, Captain Reynolds," she said. "The patients who are admitted here are our patients, and we don't bring them to the attention of the Alliance. We're doctors, not police officers, and we don't need to do their jobs for them."

Malcolm nodded as the nurse reappeared, taking up her position at the desk again. Jansen picked up her clipboard, gave him a nod in return, and walked away.

* * *

The evening was fading to night when Malcolm sat down with Kaylee, Zoe and Inara. River was still with her brother, and he'd sent Jayne back to the ship, knowing the other man didn't care enough to remain at the hospital and the captain wasn't easy leaving the ship alone with cargo on board.

"Kaylee, we have a delivery to make," he said, rubbing his hands together. "And I need my mechanic on board."

Kaylee, who was sitting beside Inara in the waiting room, snapped her head up.

"Cap'n, you can't ask me to do that!" she said. Inara met his eyes for a moment, and he saw understanding in them.

Normally, he would say that he wasn't asking, he was telling, but it wasn't true this time.

"I _am_ askin', Kaylee, because _Serenity_ don't like to fly without her mechanic on board. I need you there."

"Simon needs me here," she said sharply.

Malcolm drew in a deep breath.

"I know," he said. "And I know I'm askin' you to make a hard choice. But Simon is safe here, and River and Inara are staying behind."

"What if he wakes up and I ain't here?" Kaylee demanded, tears welling in her eyes again.

"Honey," Zoe said, leaning forward. "He'll understand."

"Why can't we just wait until he's better to make the drop?" Kaylee asked.

Malcolm pursed his lips.

"Medical equipment and emergency rations won't wait," he said. "Simon knows that. This ain't a regular drop, this is going to help save lives. He's a doctor. He understands that."

"I need to be here!" Kaylee insisted.

Malcolm nodded.

"I know. And I need you with me."

She stared at him, and he wasn't sure if he saw anger or fear in her eyes. Inara put a gentle hand on her arm.

"Kaylee, we'll take good care of him. You'll be back here in four days. _Serenity_ needs you, too."

Kaylee looked away and Malcolm suppressed an inward sigh. This is why he hated ship-board romances. They caused complications.

Kaylee nodded once, a sharp, jerky motion. Malcolm hated that he wasn't really giving her a choice, but his ship needed her, even for a just a short run and routine delivery.

Inara took Kaylee's hand, squeezing it gently, wrapping her other arm around the girl's shoulder.

"He'll be here when we get back," she said. "I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

It is at the edge of the petal that love waits. William Carlos Williams

4

River was dreaming a memory. She was three years old, and she had been playing hide and seek with her brother and some others, children of her parents' friends. She had hid in the woods, but hidden too well, and no one had found her. At first, it had been funny, listening to the far off cries of people trying to find her, but then it had grown frightening. She thought she would be forgotten, and forget her way home, and become overgrown with plants, forever trapped in the forest.

Then Simon had found her and she'd thrown her arms around him, sobbing. He'd laughed, hugging her, picking her up.

"I'll always find you," he promised her.

She opened her eyes and rested her forehead against his. She remembered when he'd rescued her from the academy and that he'd been there when she'd woken up from cryo-storage, how he'd held her then, too, making sure she wasn't alone with her fear. He had kept his promise; he'd found her again.

River felt a glimmer of Simon at the back of his mind, buried deep beneath the anesthetics and the analgesics. Carefully, she wrapped herself around it, giving him comfort and a sense of love. He had taken care of her when she'd most needed it; now it was her turn to help him.

"I'll always find you, Simon," she whispered.

* * *

He was breathing on his own now, toward the close of the second day. River had stayed with him, moving aside, when the nurse took the breathing tube out. This time, Simon couldn't feel anything. No pain. No fear.

Doctor Jansen told River that her brother would probably awaken sometime during the night. Right now, he was somewhere between sleep and unconsciousness, traveling that wispy road, barely aware that she was there. She hadn't left since she'd been allowed to see him the day before, except to use the bathroom. Inara and the ICU nurse had both brought her some food, so she could maintain her vigil. Simon had always been there for her.

He looked more real now, without the tube down his throat, but he still had a mask covering his mouth and nose. He was like a doll, she thought, one of the fragile kinds that children weren't allowed to play with, that sat up shelves, gathering dust, always breakable.

She thought about how his hands might not work and wanted to cry. River reached for them, enveloping them in her own.

"Not his hands," she whispered, repeating it like a prayer. "Not his hands."

If he couldn't speak, she could speak for him, and if he could move his hands, he could write. But if he lost the function in his hands, he wouldn't be a doctor anymore. He wouldn't be the same Simon, because that was the largest part of who Simon was.

River wanted to talk to Sheperd Book, to hear his words of comfort, but he was silent now, as silent as her brother, just as unable to speak. She bowed her head over her brother's hands, touching her forehead to her knuckles. She didn't want to be alone anymore.

Inara came in and River looked up. The older woman was dressed all in white, like a beautiful, poignant ghost. She glided over to stand beside River, gazing down at Simon, who had not moved, who still could not move.

"He's breathing on his own," River whispered. It was impossible to speak at a normal volume in here, in case death noticed the person you were with, and became curious.

Inara nodded.

"I spoke with Doctor Jansen," she said, and River understood that everything she knew about Simon's condition, Inara also knew.

"Come with me, River," Inara said, and River looked up at her, puzzled.

"I need to stay here," she replied.

"You're exhausted and you need some rest. Simon is all right. He's sleeping."

River looked back down at her silent brother. It wouldn't matter if she was away from him now, she'd always be with him in a way. Without further protest, she stood, leaning over to kiss Simon's forehead, then followed Inara out of the tiny curtained room.

"Let us know if anything changes," Inara told the nurse, who nodded. She led River away, through the hospital, which was silent at this hour. Usually, it only served Companions, but that service was extended when necessary to their families or friends. The city, Insawa, had several public hospitals, and River was glad they weren't there. She knew the Alliance had not given up on her or Simon, and wanted him here, where he was safe in more ways than one.

Inara led her into the Companion's temple, which had surprised River. She'd never seen one, even when living with her parents in the core planets. It was quieter than the hospital, but a serene quiet, not one that hovered on the verge of emergency. Here, there was sanctuary, in a way River had not understood before. The lighting was dim, the décor deep and rich. Faint strains of calming music caught her ears, but she could not tell where it was coming from.

A man glided past them, nodding briefly at Inara, his dark, luminous eyes skirting over River without any curiosity or judgment. A moment later, he was gone.

"Is he a Companion?" River whispered to Inara. The older woman simply smiled, but River heard the unspoken reply and raised her eyebrows. Very few men chose or were chosen for this path.

Inara led River to a lavish set of suites. She still had her shuttle here, River knew, but this was for her own use while visiting the Temple, and clients never stepped foot in here. To keep up appearances, Inara had taken a client or two over the past day. She wanted no attention drawn to herself by an abrupt halt in business, because it might point right to River and Simon.

The suite was composed of three rooms, a elegantly decorated sitting room, done in hues of dark woods, navy and deep red, a large bedroom with thick, dark curtains that shut out the light from the city and gave a feeling of warmth and security, and a large bathroom off the bedroom. Inara led River into the bedroom and handed her a dark blue silk robe.

"Put this on," she said and slipped out of the room. River obeyed and Inara came back in a few minutes later. She sat River down at the vanity and began brushing her hair in slow, even strokes. River felt the tension begin to drain from her shoulders. When Inara was finished, she bathed River's face and hands with a lightly scented soap, then with fresh, cool water, before dabbing a touch of lavender oil on both pulse points of River's neck. She moved silently about the room, lighting candles here and there, then drew back the silk covers on the large bed.

"Here," she said softly and River obeyed, climbing into bed, and allowing herself to be tucked in like a small child. "Sleep," Inara said, kissing her gently on the forehead. She knew without asking that the older woman would wake her if there was any news. River closed her eyes and listened as Inara tiptoed out of the room, shutting the door softly behind her. She caught the subtle scent of the candles and fell asleep.

* * *

Zoe understood what Kaylee was doing. The young woman had thrown herself into her work, so that the engines were running as well as they had been since Malcolm had bought the ship. Maybe even better than that. It was the easiest way to block out the pain without resorting to raiding Simon's stash of pain killers. She doubted Kaylee was going to set foot in the infirmary right now anyway. Zoe had found herself avoiding it, too, so that she would not trigger the memory of the doctor lying like dead on the floor.

But when Wash had died, he had died fast. Zoe could tell it was driving Kaylee crazy, not knowing what was happening. Was Simon awake? Could he speak? Could he move his hands? Kaylee worked until she was ready to drop, ate a quick, silent meal in the mess, then went to bed. The roses, Simon's last gift to her, had been thrown out by Malcolm before Kaylee could see them again. Zoe didn't know if that was a kindness or not.

Inara would call if something unexpected happened, and Zoe found herself hoping the com stayed silent. Unspoken, but acknowledged, was the fact that she would call if Simon died. Zoe knew that wasn't likely, but she could see the possibility hovering over Kaylee's head like a curse.

They were one day away from the rendezvous, and two more days out from Attune. Zoe wondered if Kaylee would work herself beyond the point of exhaustion by then. She sighed to herself, because she knew there was nothing she could do. Only one person could make Kaylee feel better now, and he was almost as far from her as Wash now was from Zoe. Almost, but not quite.

* * *

Simon awoke gasping, reaching up to yank the oxygen mask from his face. River, who had been dozing, snapped awake and grinned.

"His hands!" she exclaimed, then: "Nurse!"

Simon managed to pull the mask down and turned, his wild eyes finding hers. River grasped his hands and he fumbled, then closed his fingers around hers.

"You're all right, Simon, you're all right," she soothed as the nurse and Doctor Jansen hurried in. Jansen put a hand on Simon's chest until he stilled, but his eyes were still wide, and bright with fear.

"Good," Jansen said calmly. "Simon, my name is Elaine Jansen. You're in the Companion's hospital in Insawa. You've been here for two days, and you're being treated for prairie rose toxin. You and your sister are safe, I promise."

The fear began to edge out of Simon's eyes and he managed to nod. He parted his lips to speak, and River could see him struggling suddenly.

"… Ay…" he managed, his face contorting with effort. Jansen nodded.

"Your fine motor control for the facial muscles controlling speech have been affected. This is common with rose toxin. We're going to treat you as much as we can, but I have to warn you, you will probably never regain complete function again."

He stared at her as if he words didn't make sense, then looked up at River. She nodded, squeezing his hands, and he squeezed back. The feeling of relief was so intense she felt as if she might collapse. His hands were all right.

"Iv," he managed, looking up at River, then looking around the room. She understood him, even without trying.

"They went to make the delivery. They'll be back in two days. Kaylee didn't want to go, but she had to."

Simon nodded. River wondered if he'd be able to smile still, without the fine motor ability in his face.

"We're going to do what we can," Jansen promised. "We have to start by running some tests."


	5. Chapter 5

From off this brier pluck a white rose with me. William Shakespeare

5

Kaylee left everyone else behind, almost skidding into Simon's hospital room. The past four days had dragged by, made tolerably only by immersing herself in her work. The more time that had passed, the worse it had become, because she had grown more and more impatient. She hadn't even stopped to talk to Jansen when they'd arrived, and had only paused long enough to get instructions to his room from the ward nurse.

Simon looked up when she hurried in and his eyes lit up, but there was no familiar grin. Inara had warned her, but it still came as a shock, burning right down to her toes. A small smile ghosted across his face, the most he could manage right now.

In the two days since he'd woken up, he'd made remarkable progress, according to Inara. The hospital had a speech pathologist working with him, but Inara had warned her that Simon would never regain the full muscle control he'd had before getting sick. Kaylee had almost disbelieved it until she saw him, and saw that he could not smile fully.

She forced down her own sadness and crossed the room to his bed. Simon raised his hands, his hands that miraculously, amazingly worked, and folded them around hers. Kaylee kissed him and felt him kiss back, but even that was not as strong as it had been. But it was there.

"Hello, handsome," she whispered.

Simon reached up, running his fingers through her hair.

"H-hu-llo, beaut–" he managed, stumbling on the last "t". Kaylee wondered, if this was an improvement, what had he sounded like upon waking up?

"Cap'n gave us a new job," she whispered. "We're gonna break you out of here."

Simon's eyes twinkled brightly and Kaylee realized that she would always recognized this as his grin from now on. He let out a short chuckle, probably all he could manage, then reached for a pad of paper and a pen from the table beside his bed.

_Doctor Jansen says I'm staying 7 more days_, he wrote. _But I'd like to go home._

Kaylee smiled, stroking his hair.

"You will," she promised. "But you should know better than to disobey a doctor's orders. I'll try and convince the cap'n to let you stay a little longer."

Simon smiled slightly and put his cheek against her shoulder. Kaylee managed to settle herself on the bed and he wrapped his left arm around her, propping the notepad against his knee.

_Everything else still works_, he assured her, and Kaylee laughed.

"It'd better," she replied. "Or else I ain't lettin' you in my bunk again."

Simon chuckled again.

_Thank you for saving my life_, he wrote. Kaylee looked at him seriously, then kissed him. Simon put the pad down and pulled into his arms, letting his touch say what he could not.

* * *

Malcolm gave himself and the others permission to visit the city for the next week and then sent Jayne off on a hunting party into the mountains. He knew the other man wasn't going to enjoy waiting around for the doctor to be discharged from the Companion's hospital, and he didn't want Jayne getting into the kind of trouble that only Jayne could get into. Not in Insawa, where the Alliance was too close for comfort.

River was staying at the temple with Inara – Malcolm didn't ask about that, and Inara didn't volunteer any information. The captain thought that Kaylee would have stayed in the hospital with Simon if they'd let her, but the Jansen was strict and insisted Simon spend the nights alone so that he could rest. During the day, they had the doctor working with a speech pathologist, who was pushing him mercilessly, knowing he had only a limited time there. Simon was improving by leaps and bounds, but Malcolm knew there was a solid brick wall coming, one Simon would never surmount. Listening to the doctor's hesitant, stuttering speech was hard, but even Malcolm could hear the improvement, and it was better than never hearing him speak again.

He'd asked Jansen if the fact that Simon had full use of his hands was a miracle. The doctor had shrugged and told him it was a miracle, or luck, whichever he prefered. She warned him that this wasn't going to be easy, despite the progress Simon was making. Malcolm knew that, but also knew that because Simon could still be a doctor, things would be all right, in the end.

* * *

A week after _Serenity_ had returned to Attune, Jansen discharged Simon into the care of the crew. Inara had returned her shuttle to the ship, then had joined them to collect their doctor from the hospital. Jayne was back from his hunting trip and impatient to be off-world again, but at least he wasn't muttering – yet – about what a damn pain the doctor was.

Simon shook hands with Jansen before leaving.

"Th-thank y-you," he managed, trying to force his words to be as smooth as possible. It was frustrating, not being able to speak properly, but, given the choice, he'd take this over the loss of the feeling in his hands, which would have entered his life as a doctor.

"You're welcome, Simon," the other doctor replied, smiling at him. "I don't want to see you here ever again, understand?"

Simon smiled as much as he could.

"Yes," he said. He walked away, toward his crew, and Kaylee slipped up beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He leaned over to kiss her temple, then followed her into the transport Inara had called for them.

* * *

He was bored with being away from work, but he had no patients right now, and Malcolm had ordered him to take it easy for a few days. They were on their way to their rendezvous point, and Simon usually used his downtime to catch up with work in the infirmary or to do his inventory. Right now, however, the infirmary was off-limits to him.

He was sitting in the mess, eating an early lunch when Kaylee popped her head in. She grinned brightly at him and Simon managed to smile back.

"Good, you're here. Don't go anywhere, I got something for you."

"Whu-what?" Simon asked.

"Justa sec," she said, holding up one finger, then disappeared again. She came back a few minutes later, carrying a small stack of books. She put them on the table in front of Simon and slipped onto the bench beside him, tucking one arm comfortably around his waist. He raised his eyebrows at her, then pulled the top book off the pile. It had a cartoon dog and cat on the cover, playing with a big red beachball.

"Ch– ch– kid's b-books?" he managed, trying and failing to surpress a laugh.

"That's right," Kaylee said. "The doc at the hospital said you had to read out loud to practice talkin'. I thought I'd let you start off easy, say for a week, and if you're good, we'll let you start on harder stuff."

Simon smiled at her as much as he could and shook his head.

"I love you," he managed, saying it surprisingly clearly. Kaylee's eyes lit up and welled up with unshed tears, which she blinked down. She kissed him quickly.

"I love you, too, but that ain't getting you out of your work. Start reading, buster, or I'm telling the cap'n you need more time off."

Simon shook his head again, his eyes dancing, opened the child's book, and, hesitantly, began to read.


End file.
